Chapter 2: A Grammatical Discussion
Captain Buggernuts was passed out, drunk on rum, at the wheel of the Pirate Ninja flying vessel Titsorgetthefuckout when he got word that Katana had gotten away with the files. The news disturbed him so much that he immediately had to go take a shit.
As his foray into the world of restroom bliss was merely halfway through, the ship was rocked by a very large explosion and the Captain was nearly keelhauled by the very toilet he sat on. As such a thing resonates in the mind of any decent reader, it brings forth a very unsettling scene. Rogue Pirate Ninja, however, get keelhauled by a toilet at least once every few weeks, to keep them sharp.
In turn Captain Buggernuts stood up, wiped, washed his hands, and headed out to battle.
As he got to the deck of his tiny airship he spotted the enemy; two class C corporate Media Destroyers fully crewed by zombie cyborgs and armed to the teeth, looking for a fight. Strangely, however, they had stopped firing and hovered a few feet away from the stern. A man in a black suit stood opposite him on the deck of the closest destroyer with a bullhorn and began to address the Captain and his crew.
"Attention Pirate Ninja's" he began...
"WAIT!" a voice fired from bow of the ship that was about to be attacked. A taller, skinny Rogue Pirate Ninja ran up to the crowd waving his arms wildly.
"Actually, sir, it is 'Pirate Ninja" you mean to say. Not 'Pirate Ninja's." It was Smerff, a long time crew member of the Titsorgetthefuckout.
"No," corrected the man in the suit. "It can be used either way. Ninja or Ninja's. Both are acceptable grammatically."
"No, you are wrong." the tattered crew member shot back. "The only time you would use ninja with an s is when you are describing something that belonged to me, being the ninja. Such as, if you said "Oh my god, that ninja's dick is in my wife's ass!"
"But what if there were more than one ninja's dicks stuck in his wife's ass?" Captain Buggernuts interjected. "Would it be 'ninja dicks' or the 'ninja's dicks'?"
"Either way it would still be possessive." the suit on the other ship yelled through the bullhorn. "We are discussing plural, not possessive. If you said 'The ninja had their dicks in my wife's ass' you would probably be correct, but it is also acceptable to say 'the ninja's had their dicks in my wife's ass.' That makes it easier to tell if there are more than one. This is in reference to the number of ninjas, not the dicks belonging to the ninjas in question."
"There are seven of us here!" Smerff shouted at the man. "Seven of us with our dicks in your wife's ass. You have to use an apostrophe. If you don't, we will doubt your public speaking skills and most likely not take anything you say seriously. Since this is a negotiation, you should probably take that into account and weigh it seriously before choosing your words."
The man in the suit was getting visibly flustered. "You can't even use an apostrophe in speech!? Don't try to change the subject! We have you out-manned and out-gunned! You will surrender now! You will be boarded and every last man on that ship will be arrested for crimes against the Corporation! You are expected to cooperate fully or face death!"
"It is 'your' not 'you are'." Smerff replied. "You meant to say 'your' and not 'you are'. The expectation being the subject in the sentence and belonging to us, meaning you have to establish possession. You also meant to say 'you are' when demanding our surrender."
"You have no idea what you are talking about!" Screamed the man in the suit. "I used 'you're' to establish the possession of the surrender, which was the subject, because it belongs to you! You are an idiot who has no concept of proper grammar usage and should just shut up! What you are saying makes no sense!"
"Actually," Smerff cut him off, "It does. A rogue Pirate Ninja possess no surrender. What we do possess, however, are trolling techniques beyond your comprehension. While I have been trolling you, one of our crew has snuck over to your ships, placed remote control bombs in key locations, and is now safely back and ready to fire the ignitions."
"Ha! Everyone knows that Rogue Pirate Ninja's always travel in bands of seven! I count seven of you in front of me and none of you have moved! You are bluffing!" The man in the suit was fuming.
"Exactly" came a voice from behind the crowd, as a figure that looked more ninja than pirate emerged from absolutely nowhere. "That's why my name is 'Number 8."
Explosions ripped through the dark sky as the two destroyers were, well, destroyed.